thanks

Thank you for never leaving me even when I was running as far and fast as I could,
Thank you for letting me choose my own path, even when it turned out a disaster.
Thank you for allowing me to experience such sorrow that for a while crippled me
Thank you for letting me wallow in my own humanity, only to clean me up and watch me do it again (and again)
Thank you for reminding me, that it is not me who is holding on to you, but that you are holding on to me.
My arms are not strong enough to hold on when so much is pulling at me feet, My heart is not wise enough to not want the things that destroy me.

RSVP if you want to live

This is a picture of the daughter of one of the most feared mobsters in Italy. The guy next to her is her new husband. How scared is he? If they get into a fight, does she run home to daddy or does daddy's "marriage counselor's" come to the house? Either way, I'm pretty sure this is a long term agreement until death they do part, which may not be too long if my reference to the Godfather movie is accurate. this brings up the next question do the kids call him grand godfather and is he the godfather in law. Suddenly my world seems very, very small.

The song that never ends

My night has been like a song that is catchy at first but then won't leave you alone. Why won't my children go to sleep? They are tired, they are crabby, they are annoying me. I really want this night to end so that I can sit on the couch with Craig. It is a small request but will not happen soon. I call this little ditty moonlight waltz #5

Liam: Mama, I want something to eat, Mama I want something to drink. Mama am I doing good?
Grant: gibberish followed by daddy
Liam: Am I doing good? Am I doing good? Am I doing good?
Grant: gibberish followed by daddy
Me: We will shut your door if you are not quiet
Liam: will you shut the door after I get a drink?
Craig: You have a drink, We will shut your door if you say one more word
Liam: Is drink head a word?

Goodnight to all.

Walk with me.

My new found blogging buddy, Heidi is crawling a tough path right now. Her road is stirring reflections in me. What do you do when the person you loved with, dreamed with and stood hand in hand, while the firing squad loaded the guns, is no longer on your left. Imagine being the object of ridicule, with tons of people waiting and most likely rejoicing over your loss. Put yourself in the place of the person standing there bleeding, with open sores just looking for a place to feel safe. What could you say to that person that would help in the least? I can't think of a single syllable that would ease that kind of suffering. I would like to paint a picture of what I would like to be to others. A silent walking partner, that follows in the distance, ready to pick you up, dust you off and continue following behind to make sure you get where your want to go safely. I won't tell you what direction to take or how to get there. I wouldn't possibly consider telling you how I got there last time. So, look behind you and you will see me.

Run, Running, Ran

Just got back from the gym, I started interval training this week in an attempt to increase my speed. I chase down the release that comes from working out. For me it is an huge stress reliever. Yesterday, I caught my Liam hanging on the fireplace mantle (for the 550th time) He got busted and I said "what do you think I am going to say right now" He looked a little dazed but I could tell he was really thinking. So, I repeated it for him "So, What do you think I am going to say" he looked at me and said "Booty" you are going to say Booty. He was wrong.

Skin Crawl

Here is the mouse story:

We had a mouse. I hate mice. I wanted to kill it. I found droppings on the counter. The counter, the place I prepare food for my family. To the everyday person this would be bad enough. For the person, like myself, who has made a career out of food service inspections, this was enough to make me insane. You see- mice can't hold their bladders....ever. They urinate as they walk. So when you see droppings you can be sure they have urinated a trail. (there just aren't enough adjectives to describe how I feel about this). I, being the freak that I am, cleaned a sanitized everything and then put all eating paraphernalia away in the fridge and microwave and plastic tubs. I was down to two pan lids, I filled up the sink put the bleach in. Pretty confident the mouse would not have access to the pans. We set traps, a little mine field. In the morning the traps were still set, I knew a mouse would not just disappear so I assumed we scared him off. I reached in the sink to let the bleach out and I felt a bump on my wrist. That's right kids, the mouse had fallen in the bleach water and had touched my arm. A bloated mouse corpse
No need to thank me.

INTRODUCING

That's me on the left. The hair color is not the original. I paint the roof often. The teeth were quite expensive. Thanks to Tommy Bahama, I usually smell nice. Don't let the name fool you-the stuff is delicious I started running this year and I am really SLOOOOOOOOOW but it is all good. I hate picnics and I'm not a big fan of humid weather. I surround myself with music/ XM is my best friend. I changed careers midstream, but then had children and put my new career on hold. I got married in my early 30's, had kids in my late 30's and will not leave this planet until I am at least 100. What is your story?

Favorite List

This is the short list of my favorite things.

Coke (the drinkable kind)
Dr. Scholls overnight foot cream
XM Radio 24/7
Barnes and Noble
Crest Ultra Bright Night Toothpaste (I did not realize that you needed a different toothpaste for day and night)
Mr. Clean
Josh Groban
Thunderstorms
Pinot Nior by Estangia
Basil
Dostoevsky
Trader Joes
Whole Foods
Aqua Panna


What are some of your favorite things

The last to know.

As some of you know, I have a five year old and a 1 yr old. So.. I've been a mom for a while or at least I thought I was a mom. I'm good at the playing thing, doing stuff with the boys. I always thought I would just have one. When the first was born it was kind of like friends just hanging out, Craig was working on his masters, I stayed at home, we were poor but following a goal. For us, having one child was easy. Babysitters were easy, bedtime was easy, mealtimes were a snap. The little guy just went with the flow too. He went were we went. That was then. Now I have two boys and a busy husband. Today, yes just today-I realize I have to be a mom and wife. The kind of mom I am not. Organized. I have to plan, I need to make lunches ahead of time. I have to think about dinner before 6 or things go horribly wrong. Gone are the day in which we could pull our clothes out of the dryer and be good to go. There are too many people, doing too many things and I am at the helm. Me! They are looking to me to keep the home front, calm, organized and peaceful. Me! How did I miss this? I really think I need to grow up. I don't want too, she said slamming to door and putting her headphones back on.