To Gay or not to Gay

Did the title shock you? Is it a taboo subject? For me it is not. No, I am not gay, I am a woman married to a man. I don't clarify that because I would be embarrassed if someone thought I was gay. I clarify that so that my words aren't viewed as someone who is pushing an agenda. I have a deep faith in God, I believe in right and wrong. I just don't know where this subject fits in and I don't want to know. I believe Paul mentions it but can't find anywhere (although I may be wrong) that Jesus does. What does that mean? I don't know. Jesus ate lunch with hookers and drunks, I don't read him spending his time telling them you are wrong, you are hookers and drunks. People of faith like to use this as an example of God's unconditional acceptance and love, his humility, but don't want to apply it in other situations. I have some friends, who believe that this is the way God made them and have relationships AND I have others who don't know and have chosen to remain single. Either way, I don't care. By the way, if I was gay...Angelina Joile would be my choice.

living gratefully

This is my deep thought for this week, maybe this month.... Living gratefully- to me this means operating my life in a way that shows that everything is enough. For me, there is rumbling in my spirit in two specific areas. Money & Food. I have occasionally spent beyond our means. I shall come clean now, I have done that more than occasionally. Food, I have eaten way too much, all too often. I have lived in a way that says /not enough, what you have given me is not enough. The truth is that I have more than enough, really more than enough. Not in the humble, I'll be happy with what I have attitude but I have the cold hard facts to prove I have enough. A moment of clarity, when my eyes have been blurred and my thoughts foggy.

Full steam ahead.

I'm still looking for a picture I like for my profile. This has caused me quite a bit of stress and I'm not even sure why. It's a picture for pity sake. Will people not read my blog because they don't like my pores? I suppose it's possible. I know where I am headed in the looks department. My great grandmother was full blooded Indian. I've seen it first hand with my own mother and aunts. We don't age well, in fact we kind of end up looking like Johnny Cash, really, we do. The Johnny Cash from his last video. In some sense it takes the worry out of wrinkles I mean if you end up looking like another gender, are wrinkles the worst of your problems? Craig is destined to look like the Al from Toy Story II. He is very handsome now and I'm sure he will be handsome forever, but in all honesty, we will end up looking like interracial transgender gay couple from a pixar film. mmmm tasty.

More to kill

I bought some more plants yesterday. I don't know why, I am not good with flowers, Have never been good with flowers and I'm pretty sure one day the trees are going to fall on me out of spite. I want to apologize to mother nature right now. I think I'm a serial killer, I can't stop, I need a plant fix. They look so good. I will take a pic and post it. A before and after shot. They should create a department of plant services, to investigate plant abuse and remove the plants from homes like mine. I'm off to drive on some grass.

Did you ever.....

did you ever wonder what happens if you drop anything through the crack in the elevator floors? You know the ones right below the threshold. Neither had I until today. My son had my keys and as the door to the elevator opened he dropped them right in that 3 inch crack in the doorway. This is what happens if you drop anything through the crack in the elevator floor. They have to find some guy in the building maintenance department who is in the middle of something way more important than you, to come and lock the upper floor elevators, walk down 5 flights of stairs and open the hatch to the floor and jump down and fish them out. This happened at lunch time with cranky, hungry children. awesome.

What is wrong with me

I woke up at 5:30 this morning. That is not the problem. The baby woke up looking for his pacifier, which we could not find. This annoyed me because I always put extras (as in more than one) back in the basket, next to the crib, next to the nightlight to see the thorns in my side when they are needed- say at 5:30 in the morning. God love the man, but I can not get Craig to sign on to this mysterious program. This is where I lost my mind. I needed to discuss it right then, not in one hour when we would be awake and nice, but right then. After the ridiculous timing of the pacifier debate) I decided to bring up his guitar and music left scattered all over the family room floor-2nd day in a row. I thought I was nice about it, but really at 5:30 in the morning, how nice could I be? This is not my style, usually I just deal with what is- instead of what should be. Having this kind of conversation in the wee hours of dawn is just stupid. I had to call Craig and say sorry (about the timing). What is wrong with me? I'm going to blame it on global warming.

Because I know

Have you ever thought of how much our children can teach us about God? Right now, my son is in his crib, crying his eyes right out of his skull. He is very tired-only I don't think he knows it yet. You see, I know him. I have been learning his habits for a year now. Just about every moment in my life is spent watching him. I can see the way he gets very quiet just before he needs to sleep or the way he starts to rub his forehead on his blanket right before he can't stand it anymore. I also know that if he doesn't rest he will not function the rest of the day. He will be cranky and nothing with be enjoyable with him or for him. If he doesn't give up, he will be exhausted and unable to rest. I think God does that for us too. He watches us, He know us. He can let us cry because he knows we need to rest.

Crazy for breakfast.

I began my morning feeling quite peaceful. Then it happened....My son and I have been invited to come over for an play date. I don't know the people all that well. We have already had one outing at the park and that went okay but I get so nervous meeting people on their own turf. What are the rules for said meeting. Next, My littlest one has developed a new way to get your attention, we call it the scream and not just any old scream but a high pitched, primal, make your teeth hurt scream. To put some ice cream with my cake. I had to buy a new phone and I can't figure out how to program it yet. The good news is that I can access my XM from my phone, the bad news is that I can't listen from all the screaming and small talk foolery.

Voted off the Island

This morning my son got really mad at me "You are never going to be a part of this family again" and then took me by the hand and told me I had to stay in the basement from now on. I was shocked, hurt and amused all at the same time. Where does he learn this? I told him that he looked really upset and maybe going to have some private time might help him to feel better so that he doesn't use hurtful words. To which my sweet, kind boy said "I will after you tell me where your going to live now" I am the weakest link. Goodbye

I really need to P

I really need to P-In the conventional, slang term that would mean to rid the body of (gross alert) urine. But for my purpose and because my name starts with P, it means I really need to vent. I drank a really big glass of 24 hour news programming and I need to P.


Why do we need a 24/7 news program? The networks usually run out of important things to say in about 10 minutes. It's not that there isn't other more pertinent stuff happening in the world, it is just that they don't talk about it. Have you ever watched the BBC, they cover the news from everywhere. They don't add conjecture or have commentators, they just tell what they see and know. As far as I can see this is how the 24/7 news programming is:

They cover all the big stories but have 23 hrs and 50 minutes left to fill so they have some actress/newscaster ask her second cousin on the mother's side to comment on why we should be afraid of scurvy during the summer. Then to comment on the comment we have the camera operator's best friend from middle school comment on the comment.

I think they should just be upfront and use this mantra. BE AFRAID, BE AFRAID, IT'S HORRIBLE, BE AFRAID.

We are not going to spontaneously explode! We are not going to die from mad cow's disease in the next 15 minutes. The majority of people in the rest of the world, do not sit around thinking about us as much as we think about ourselves. These are news stories because they are out of the norm. Please everyone, read a book, take a walk, eat some ice cream. Turn off the TV.


I feel better.

Dinner Anyone?

We drove for 45 minutes, paid the babysitter $50 and I would do it again tomorrow. This is our favorite chain restaurant in Louisville. I had the cashew chicken, Craig had the wok seared beef and we ordered crab wantons. The food was melt in your mouth, unbelievably delicious. Now, here is where the day gets even better. My soup (that came with my meal) was delivered after my main course. It was okay with us, we noticed but no big deal. The manager took it upon himself to give us coupons for two free dinners. We made sure we saved room for their desert snippets. I don't know the real name for them but they are samples of deserts in shot glasses for $2 a piece. We ordered the wall of chocolate which is a chocolate cake with raspberry sauce. The server thought we wanted the Tiramisu too and made us another sample, but when we said we didn't order it she said, we could have it on the house. So...Craig ate the Tiramisu and a few bites of the choc. cake. Then off to Builders surplus to look for new doors. They had a front door for $5000.00 I think I've been in the middle class too long- but $5000.00 for a door? It opens and closes just like my $400 door? Open, close ; Open, close- it's the same. Here is my question. If you could afford a $ 5000 door, would you buy it from a surplus place and load it and unload it yourself? I would not, I would pay someone to buy it for me, load/unload it, install it...then get me a glass of wine and maybe a snack and rub my feet.

When I go

Today I'm thinking about my legacy. This is how I want my children to describe me.

loving, honest, strong, resilient, kind, faithful, present, funny, happy, patient, smart,

The question I needed to answer was this: Is the way I live, reflecting the legacy I want? For the most part yes, until I get to the present and patient parts. I have to work, sometimes very hard to be present- I'm a stay at home mom and being excited about kids 24/7 is impossible. Often I wonder if my children need so much because I'm not present enough. Physically, I most always around but to be connected to the moment-I'm not so sure. The question of my life? How can I be present for them, when at times I don't even feel present for myself? Help! someone throw me a cheerio, I'm drowning in a sea of reflection. If you can't find one, just look on my family room floor.

P

Chap stick fetish

I have 15 tubes of chap stick. I have stashed a tube in every conceivable location in my home and car. I have 3 in my purse and one attached to a key ring. 2 in the diaper bag (one in each pocket), 1 in the family room, living room and bathroom, 2 in my bedroom, (one in each nightstand). and 2 in my overnight bag. The rest are unopened in the bathroom closet. It started quite innocently with chapped lips in the winter but after finding a tube in my purse with crumbs on it (my 5 yr old). I decided that I needed to keep the love to myself. So, you see I have one 1 for children to use, 1 for my honey and the rest (she laughs maniacally) for myself. I can't even remember how I bought so many, I never find them on sale, I haven't treked the desert and don't recall being in a recent drought. I may have a problem.